George Dallimore Jr.

Charity entertainer George Dallimore Jnr. has started bringing a little happiness into the lives of the nation's senior citizens. George, accompanied by the Custard Brothers, and Linda on piano, is taking his sing-a-long roadshow around the Residential Homes for the Elderly in Worcestershire, England.  The show which features music-hall and popular songs also includes comedy and the monologue, The Lion and Albert. This was first made famous by British music hall entertainer Stanley Holloway. George illustrates the monologue, about a family from the north of England who spend a disastrous day at Blackpool Zoo, by donning various hats, a trick he learnt from the late great Tommy Cooper.

Below you will find the monolgue. It is best recited with a northern accent.

The Lion and Albert

There's a famous seaside place called Blackpool
That's noted for fresh-air and fun
And Mr. and Mrs. Ramsbottom
Went there with young Albert their son

A grand little lad was young Albert
All dressed in his best quite a swell
With a stick with an horses head handle
The finest that Woolworths could sell

They didn't think much to the ocean
The waves were all 'spiddlin' and small
There were no wrecks, and nobody drownded
Fact nothing to laugh at at all

So seeking for further amusement
They paid and went into the zoo
Where they'd lions and tigers and camels
And old ale and sandwiches too

There were one great big lion called Wallace
His nose were all covered with scars
He lay in a somnolent posture
With the side of his face on the bars

Now Albert had heard about lions
How they were ferocious and wild
To see Wallace lying so peaceful
Well it didn't seem right to the child

So straight way the brave little fella
Not showing a morsel of fear
Took his stick with his horses head handle
And pushed it in Wallace's ear

You could see that the lion didn't like it
By giving a kind of a roll
He pulled Albert inside the cage with him
And swallowed the little lad whole

Then Pa who had seen the occurrence
And didn't know what to do next
Said, "Mother! Yon lion's ate Albert."
And Mother said, "Well I am vexed."

Then Mr. and Mrs. Ramsbottom
Quite rightly when all's said and done
Complained to the animal keeper
That the lion had eaten their son

The keeper were quite nice about it
He said, "What a nasty mishap."
"Are you sure that its your boy he's eaten?"
Pa said, "Am I sure, there's his cap."

The manager had to be sent for
He came and he said, "Whats to do!"
Pa said, "Yon lion's ate Albert!"
"And him in his Sunday clothes too."

Then Mother said, "Right's right young fella."
"I think its a shame and a sin."
"For a lion to go and eat Albert."
"And after we'd paid to come in."

The manager wanted no trouble
He took out his purse right away
Saying, "How much to settle the matter?"
And Pa said, "What do you usually pay?"

But Mother had turned a bit awkward
When she thought where her Albert had gone
She said, "No! Someone's got to be summonsed
So that was decided upon.

Then off they went to the Police Station
In front of the magistrate chap
They told him what happened to Albert
And proved it by showing his cap

The magistrate gave his opinion
"That no one was really to blame."
And he said, "That he hoped the Ramsbottoms."
"Would have further sons to their name."

At that Mother got proper blazing
"And thank you sir kindly." said she
"What waste all our lives raising children."
"To feed ruddy lions. Not me!"